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What Happens When You Tell People You Can't Eat Gluten.txt
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What Happens When You Tell People You Can't Eat Gluten.txt
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- Yeah.
- Sweets bread.
- Oh, it's sandwiches?
- You don't like sandwiches?
- Oh, I like them, I just can't eat them. I have celiac's disease.
- Oh. What's that?
- It's an autoimmune disease where iconic gluten.
- I probably have that too. I'm sure I have that, I have a lot of symptoms.
- Maybe it's pretty common.
- I have it too.
- Really?
- Yeah. Well, no, I'm gluten sensitive. One time I had a large Domino's pasta-stuffed pizza, and I was so bloated. Yeah, that's where they put the pasta inside the pizza crust, um...so, I get you.
- It makes my white cells destroy the villi in my small intestine, so I can't absorb food and I essentially starve.
- So, basically the same.
- My god, that's so sad. So, would you like a sandwich?
- No, I can't.
- Oh. Oh my god, I'm sorry. Yes.
- So why does everybody have this disease all of a sudden? I mean, one day nobody has it, and then, boom, it's everywhere? It's a little convenient.
- Convenient for what?
- Exactly.
- WebMD says it causes 27 different types of cancer. What has gluten in and everything? I should stop eating! And breathing!
- Gluten's actually fine if you don't have celiac's. You should probably not stop eating it for no reason. Please breathe.
- How about a panini?
- No, a panini is also a sandwich.
- Oh my god, yeah. I never thought of it before, but yes, yes, a panini...is a kind of sandwich!
- I'll eat it!
- So, what's the science behind it? You just wake up one morning and decide you've had it?
- No, I went to the doctor and they did, like, extensive tests.
- Oh, well, I don't believe in tests. Too subjective. Too convenient.
- I'm itchy, and I'm sleepy, and I'm going to puke... Get this gluten away from me!
- Okay...
- How about a wrap?
- That is yet another sandwich.
- So many things are sandwiches!
- If it's a natural occurring thing, then how come we don't see it in dinosaurs?
- They didn't have agriculture...
- Yeah, so?
- So they couldn't grow wheat.
- That's just super convenient, isn't it?
- I don't think you understand what the word "convenient" means.
- I'm just going to pick the chicken out of the wrap and eat it, and then also some of the wrap. Oh my god, I'm so bad.
- I can't share a toaster with people.
- I'm pretty sure I'm going to lose weight, though. Did you lose weight?
- No. I used to be 90 pounds because I couldn't absorb nutrients.
- Pasta?
- No.
- Beer?
- No.
- Apple?
- Yeah.
- Pie?
- No.
- Sandwich?
- I still can't eat a sandwich! Look, guys, it's very simple. I just can't eat anything with wheat, barley, or rye in it. It's not a big deal. It just makes me very sick, okay? It's a real disease, I cannot cheat. I brought my own lunch, I'm just going to go eat at my desk.
- Wow, I can't believe she's making such a big deal out of this.
- Who's gonna eat the filling out of this pie, but like no crust? Seriously, no crust.
- Wait, guys. A pie is a sandwich!
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