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fortune.rexx
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fortune.rexx
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/* Fortune Program */
the_number = random(1, 45)
clrscrn
if the_number = 1 then
call one
else if the_number = 2 then
call two
else if the_number = 3 then
call three
else if the_number = 4 then
call four
else if the_number = 5 then
call five
else if the_number = 6 then
call six
else if the_number = 7 then
call seven
else if the_number = 8 then
call eight
else if the_number = 9 then
call nine
else if the_number = 10 then
call ten
else if the_number = 11 then
call eleven
else if the_number = 12 then
call twelve
else if the_number = 13 then
call thirteen
else if the_number = 14 then
call fourteen
else if the_number = 15 then
call fifteen
else if the_number = 16 then
call sixteen
else if the_number = 17 then
call seventeen
else if the_number = 18 then
call eighteen
else if the_number = 19 then
call nineteen
else if the_number = 20 then
call twenty
else if the_number = 21 then
call twentyone
else if the_number = 22 then
call twentytwo
else if the_number = 23 then
call twentythree
else if the_number = 24 then
call twentyfour
else if the_number = 25 then
call twentyfive
else if the_number = 26 then
call twentysix
else if the_number = 27 then
call twentyseven
else if the_number = 28 then
call twentyeight
else if the_number = 29 then
call twentynine
else if the_number = 30 then
call thirty
else if the_number = 31 then
call thirtyone
else if the_number = 32 then
call thirtytwo
else if the_number = 33 then
call thirtythree
else if the_number = 34 then
call thirtyfour
else if the_number = 35 then
call thirtyfive
else if the_number = 36 then
call thirtysix
else if the_number = 37 then
call thirtyseven
else if the_number = 38 then
call thirtyeight
else if the_number = 39 then
call thirtynine
else if the_number = 40 then
call forty
else if the_number = 41 then
call fortyone
else if the_number = 42 then
call fortytwo
else if the_number = 43 then
call fortythree
else if the_number = 44 then
call fortyfour
else if the_number = 45 then
call fortyfive
else
exit
one:
say "A baby is God's opinion that the world should go on."
say " -- Carl Sandburg"
say " "
exit
two:
say "A city is a large community where people are lonesome together."
say " -- Herbert Prochnow"
say " "
exit
three:
say "A fool must now and then be right by chance."
say " "
exit
four:
say "A LISP programmer knows the value of everything, bit the cost of nothing."
say " -- Alan Perlis"
say " "
exit
five:
say "A language that doesn't affect the way you think about programming is not worth knowing."
say " "
exit
six:
say "A penny saved is ridiculous."
say " "
exit
seven:
say "If you have a procedure with ten parameters, you probably missed some."
say " "
exit
eight:
say "If you live to the age of a hundred you have it made because very few people die past"
say "the age of a hundred."
say " -- George Burns"
say " "
exit
nine:
say "If you think the problem is bad now, just wait until we've solved it."
say " -- Arthur Kasspe"
say " "
exit
ten:
say "If you understand what you're doing, you're not learning anything."
say " "
exit
eleven:
say "Misery no longer loves company. Nowadays it insists on it."
say " -- Russell Baker"
say " "
exit
twelve:
say "Murphy's Law of Research:"
say" Enough research will tend to support your theory."
say " "
exit
thirteen:
say "Mythology, n.:"
say " The body of a primitive people's beliefs concerning its"
say " origin, early history, heroes, deities and so forth, as"
say " distinguished from the true accounts which it invents later."
say " -- Ambrose Bierce"
say " "
exit
fourteen:
say "Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away."
say " -- Philip K. Dick"
say " "
exit
fifteen:
say "The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax."
say " -- Albert Einstein"
say " "
exit
sixteen:
say "The human mind treats a new idea the way the body treats a strange protein -- it rejects it."
say " -- P. Medawar"
say " "
exit
seventeen:
say "The illegal we do immediately. The unconstitutional takes a bit longer."
say " -- Henry Kissinger"
say " "
exit
eighteen:
say "The law will never make men free; it is men who have got to make the law free."
say " -- Henry David Thoreau"
say " "
exit
nineteen:
say "Do what thou wilt be the whole of the law."
say " -- Aleister Crowley"
say " "
exit
twenty:
say "You make your own reality."
say " -- Jane Roberts"
say " "
exit
twentyone:
say "Put no trust in cryptic comments."
say " "
exit
twentytwo:
say "Rule of Feline Frustration:"
say " When your cat has fallen asleep on your lap and looks utterly"
say " content and adorable, you will suddenly have to go to the bathroom."
say " "
exit
twentythree:
say "Rule of the Great:"
say " When people you greatly admire appear to be thinking deep"
say " thoughts, they probably are thinking about lunch."
say " "
exit
twentyfour:
say "Rudin's Law:"
say " If there is a wrong way to do something, most people will do it every time."
say " "
exit
twentyfive:
say "Rocky's Lemma of Innovation Prevention"
say " Unless the results are known in advance, funding agencies will reject the proposal."
say " "
exit
twentysix:
say "Sanity is the trademark of a weak mind."
say " - Mark Harrold"
say " "
exit
twentyseven:
say "Sattinger's Law:"
say " It works better if you plug it in."
say " "
exit
twentyeight:
say "SAGITTARIUS (Nov 22 - Dec 21)"
say " You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have a reckless"
say " tendency to rely on luck since you lack talent. The majority"
say " of Sagittarians are drunks or dope fiends or both. People"
say " laugh at you a great deal."
say " "
exit
twentynine:
say "SHIFT TO THE LEFT! SHIFT TO THE RIGHT!"
say "POP UP, PUSH DOWN, BYTE, BYTE, BYTE!"
say " "
exit
thirty:
say "Slowly and surely the Unix crept up on the Nintendo user ..."
say " "
exit
thirtyone:
say " .,,uod8B8bou,,."
say " ..,uod8BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBRPFT?l!i:."
say " ,=m8BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBRPFT?!||||||||||||||"
say " !...:!TVBBBRPFT||||||||||!!^^""' ||||"
say " !.......:!?|||||!!^^""' ||||"
say " !.........|||| (\____/) ||||"
say " !.........|||| I AM / @__@ \ ||||"
say " !.........|||| A ( (oo) ) ||||"
say " !.........|||| CP/CMS `-.~~.-' ||||"
say " !.........|||| PIG / \ ||||"
say " !.........|||| @/ \_ ||||"
say " `.........|||| (/ / \ \) ,||||"
say " .;.......|||| WW`----'_.-!!|||||"
say " .,uodWBBBBb.....|||| _.-!!|||||||||!:'"
say "!YBBBBBBBBBBBBBBb..!|||:..-!!|||||||!iof68BBBBBb...."
say "!..YBBBBBBBBBBBBBBb!!||||||||!iof68BBBBBBRPFT?!:: `."
say "!....YBBBBBBBBBBBBBBbaaitf68BBBBBBRPFT?!::::::::: `."
say "!......YBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBRPFT?!::::::;:!^``;::: `."
say "!........YBBBBBBBBBBRPFT?!::::::::::^''...::::::; iBBbo."
say "`..........YBRPFT?!::::::::::::::::::::::::;iof68bo. WBBBBbo."
say " `..........:::::::::::::::::::::::;iof688888888888b. `YBBBP^`"
say" `........::::::::::::::::;iof688888888888888888888b. `"
say " `......:::::::::;iof688888888888888888888888888888b."
say " "
exit
thirtytwo:
say "A child of five could understand this! Fetch me a child of five."
say " "
exit
thirtythree:
say "A citizen of America will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, but"
say "won't cross the street to vote in a national election."
say " -- Bill Vaughn"
say " "
exit
thirtyfour:
say "A closed mouth gathers no foot."
say " "
exit
thirtyfive:
say "A computer, to print out a fact,"
say "Will divide, multiply, and subtract."
say " But this output can be"
say " No more than debris,"
say "If the input was short of exact."
say " -- Gigo"
say " "
exit
thirtysix:
say "355/113 -- Not the famous irrational number PI, but an incredible simulation!"
say " "
exit
thirtyseven:
say "43rd Law of Computing:"
say " Anything that can go wr"
say "FORTUNE: SEGMENTATION VIOLATION -- CORE DUMPED"
say " "
exit
thirtyeight:
say "A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats."
say " -- Benjamin Franklin."
say " "
exit
thirtynine:
say "A crusader's wife slipped from the garrison"
say "And had an affair with a Saracen."
say " She was not oversexed,"
say " Or jealous or vexed,"
say "She just wanted to make a comparison."
say " "
exit
forty:
say "A cynic is a person searching for an honest man, with a stolen lantern."
say " -- Edgar A Shoaff"
say " "
exit
fortyone:
say "I really hate this damned machine"
say "I wish that they would sell it."
say "It never does quite what I want"
say "But only what I tell it."
say " "
exit
fortytwo:
say "If I have not seen as far as others, it is because giants were standing on my shoulders."
say " -- Hal Abelson"
say " "
exit
fortythree:
say "If the code and the comments disagree, then both are probably wrong."
say " -- Norm Schryer"
say " "
exit
fortyfour:
say "Overload -- core meltdown sequence initiated."
say " "
exit
fortyfour:
say "Pardon this fortune. Database under reconstruction."
say " "
exit
fortyfive:
say "Pascal Users:"
say " To show respect for the 354th anniversary (tomorrow) of the"
say " death of Blaise Pascal, your programs will be run at half speed."
say " "
exit